My more than amazing girl friend (talented, smart, gorgeous) was crying on Skype over a glass of red wine and some crazy cake dessert after her very recent breakup. Like any good friend would, I assured her that there are plenty of fishies out there. Then about 20 seconds after I said that, I cracked up. Here’s what unfolded for me over the past 365 days with the “plenty of fish” scenario.
July 2012 (Just Don’t Go There…)
I walked into my bank 30min after my hot yoga (it’s where you do yoga in a 100deg sauna) beaming and glowing and feeling self-adored. It turns out the self confidence thing really does work (?). What was suppose to be a 10min talk to open a new ATM card ended up being a 1.5hr convo with the bank manager over everything from medicine, charity, to life. The guy was amazingly smart & gorgeous (very Ryan Reynolds, actually not kidding). But as we all know, thou shall not date anyone with all your personal security info (i.e. social security, account balance, address…). I turned down the first date a week later.
August 2012 (How NOT to Court a Chickadee)
I go out dancing at a nightclub with my amazing girl friends and ended up meeting a handsome guy who was celebrating his birthday. Turns out…he’s a murse! (male nurse) That would be the last time I ever give out my personal cell instead of the local Domino’s Pizza number. In the 2 months that followed (since I was studying for boards and “can’t go out” but honestly I was no longer interested), he sent me about 20 poems over my phone and recorded a song that he wrote, sang, rapped, and played on a guitar for me (called “Wonder eyes” and it was good!). I love being pursued, but this was borderline smothering with continual daily texts/calls…songs. If it takes 2 months to turn down a date, the eventual breakup will take a decade…
Dec 2012 (the Long Distance Non-Potential)
My friend from college who now goes to medical school out of state drops by for a visit to catch up and “treat me”. We had a super romantic dinner with champagnes, overlooking the most gorgeous sunset, and we are embraced by that warm fuzzy feeling of talking to an awesome, understanding old friend. Above all, he was a man who knows how to treat a girl with dignity and respect. We talk about how we liked each other back in college, and how life took us on different journeys. And…as it turns out, life still takes us to separate, faraway shores.
Jan 2013 (No WORDS…)
I met a confident, young doctor (back in Nov) and who I’ve been texting for about 2 months. With all the interviewing I’ve been doing this year for residency, I never really got a chance to hang out with him. Turns out, no worries, that day came soon enough! He called me at 10pm asking to hang out. Against all my “mature lady” judgments, I let him. He came over, and the next 30min consisted of me deciding if I can call the police to get him out the door. Finally, I won and drove him to his car. “no means no.”
March 2013 (No Chemistry)
I start to explore any romantic possibilities with a guy who is on paper a potentially perfect person for me – highly educated, good person, athletic, and has a passion for life. The added super bonus is that we’re really, really good friends, and I am always 200% myself around him. You know what they say, solid friendships are the foundation of successful relationships! But it turns out, after several outings and amazing conversations, some guys are meant to stay…our very awesome and trusty friends.
So…telling my crying friend that there are plenty of options was the worst thing I could’ve said. Because you see, there ARE indeed PLENTY of fishies. But that’s what makes this journey in finding love so, so much harder. Because for that one awesome fishie who is simply meant to be, you will inevitably go through 100 not so right fishies…and life is so painfully unpredictable, fleeting, and short. We are not afforded an eternity for searching. My final word to my friend was…knowing the odds against you, do you still believe in love enough to have the patience, courage, and resilience to keep searching? I know I do…and you will too, if you have truly loved and been loved before <3